Post by shyamwestwind on Feb 24, 2009 10:14:09 GMT
1. Q: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A: A flat major.
2. Q: What chord do you get when the elevator in a mine shaft crashes to the ground?
A: A flat minor!
3. Q: Why was the piano invented?
A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer.
4. Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in unison?
A: Shoot one.
5. Q: How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A: The knock always gets faster.
6. Q: How can you tell when a bass player is knocking at your door?
A: It gets slower.
7. Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him some sheet music.
8. Q: Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
9. Q: Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
A: Start with two million.
10. Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
A2: "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"
11. Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend??
A: Homeless!
12. Q: What is music?
A: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer,
incorrectly interpreted by the conductor,
who is ignored by the musicians,
the result of which is ignored by the audience.
13. Q: What's the difference between God and a conductor?
A: God knows He's not a conductor.
14. Q: What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?
A: Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.
15. Q: What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "Well...I didn't wake up this mornin'..."
16. Q: What is God's favourite chord?
A: G sus.
17. Q: Why is a jazz critic like a eunuch in a harem?
A: Because he is there every night, he sees people do it every night, but he can't do it himself.
18. Q: What is the difference between Bebop players and Dixieland players?
A: Bebop players flatten their fifths, Dixieland players drink theirs.
19. Q: Why do singers never say anything bad about musicians?
A: Because they're too busy talking about themselves.
20. Q: What is the difference between a singer and a grand piano?
A: About a semitone.
A: A flat major.
2. Q: What chord do you get when the elevator in a mine shaft crashes to the ground?
A: A flat minor!
3. Q: Why was the piano invented?
A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer.
4. Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in unison?
A: Shoot one.
5. Q: How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A: The knock always gets faster.
6. Q: How can you tell when a bass player is knocking at your door?
A: It gets slower.
7. Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him some sheet music.
8. Q: Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
9. Q: Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
A: Start with two million.
10. Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
A2: "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"
11. Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend??
A: Homeless!
12. Q: What is music?
A: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer,
incorrectly interpreted by the conductor,
who is ignored by the musicians,
the result of which is ignored by the audience.
13. Q: What's the difference between God and a conductor?
A: God knows He's not a conductor.
14. Q: What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?
A: Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.
15. Q: What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "Well...I didn't wake up this mornin'..."
16. Q: What is God's favourite chord?
A: G sus.
17. Q: Why is a jazz critic like a eunuch in a harem?
A: Because he is there every night, he sees people do it every night, but he can't do it himself.
18. Q: What is the difference between Bebop players and Dixieland players?
A: Bebop players flatten their fifths, Dixieland players drink theirs.
19. Q: Why do singers never say anything bad about musicians?
A: Because they're too busy talking about themselves.
20. Q: What is the difference between a singer and a grand piano?
A: About a semitone.
