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Post by jacqui01 on Jul 2, 2007 17:35:35 GMT
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumour. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. ------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. ------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals." -------------------------------------------------------   Jacqui |
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Post by infolena on Jul 3, 2007 8:12:46 GMT
Hi Jacqui, Oh oh! This was long called for. Wonder if "they" can take it?  Cheers Lena |
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gibbo
Full Member
I'm not lost, I followed you home
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Post by gibbo on Jul 3, 2007 9:59:19 GMT
lol... you made me laugh!
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Tiny
Senior Member
Posts: 1,032
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Post by Tiny on Jul 3, 2007 12:35:38 GMT
hi gal,s women are identical to VOLCANO,S can be warm and tender inside, but when they (BLOW)..... they take your land ...house....car....kid,s.....money every thing goe,s with em  |
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gibbo
Full Member
I'm not lost, I followed you home
Posts: 674
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Post by gibbo on Jul 3, 2007 13:04:24 GMT
lol... Tiny, you always make me laugh!
My volcano has been quiet for a while (she's still warm on the inside too) but the thing is, even the quietest volcanoes can suddenly become active without any warning. There's a hissing sound, a faint rumbling and then... kaboom... you never really know when it'll happen, you just know it will happen!
The moral of the story is; let's not start a joke-war, let's leave the girls to have their joke on us, I like 'em all warm and tender.
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Post by jacqui01 on Jul 4, 2007 9:27:15 GMT
Glad to see you took the Jokes in a good spirit Guys, see men strike back in the Jokes section. Just to show I like to be fair   Jacqui |
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Post by grazon on Jul 4, 2007 10:09:14 GMT
Hi Jacqui nice one. Why haven't they sent any women to the moon? A. Because it doesn't need cleaning yet. Brent  ;D |
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gibbo
Full Member
I'm not lost, I followed you home
Posts: 674
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Post by gibbo on Jul 4, 2007 12:28:58 GMT
ouch! I hope "the volcano" doesn't read that one Brent!
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Post by Emerald Midi on Jul 4, 2007 12:46:44 GMT
Nice one Jacqui. They would be funny if they weren't so true!!! |
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Post by Tubbs on Jul 4, 2007 15:24:40 GMT
Good ones jacqui!!!
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bri
Full Member
Posts: 662
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Post by bri on Jul 4, 2007 18:09:41 GMT
No Tiny, that's not fair. My ex wife and myself always agreed we'd split the house fifty fifty. We did...she got the inside and I got the outside.
Bri
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Tiny
Senior Member
Posts: 1,032
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Post by Tiny on Jul 4, 2007 20:51:14 GMT
hi bri
funny thing this mate i got same deal from my X
it,s not reet is it :'(ah!! well....... ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Stephanie on Aug 7, 2007 21:29:13 GMT
&uotA man, tired after a particularly horrendous evening commute, goes for a walk on the beach. He finds a bottle and, being the superstitious type, pics it up and rubs it. The usual genie emerges and swirls up in a huge cloud of billlowing smog and other non-biodegradable pollutants and greenhouse gases.
"Master, you may have three wishes - subject to the usual non-recursion clause of not wishing for more wishes. What is your first wish?"
"Wow, you know, I've always wanted to be a great civil engineer. Then I could solve all this country's traffic problems."
The genie thinks, "You're kidding, right? Nobody WANTS to be a civil engineer. Still, here goes..." And with that, the man is instantly transformed into a civil engineer, complete with degrees and certificates and 37 unpronounceable combinations of letters after his name.
Feeling instantly smarter and ready to rework that route home for the benefit of all mankind - or at least his fellow commuters - he says, ;I'd like a bridge across the Atlantic Ocean."
The genie says, "Wow, that's a pretty huge wish. I don't know if I can do that. How about a nice fur coat, or world peace or something? I can make you a country music star..."
Angry, the man says, "No, I wished for a bridge and I want a bridge and if you can't give it to me, then back in the bottle with you! Besides, I hate country music." The genie reluctantly de-swirls into the bottle and the man stomps off home, carrying the bottle.
He relates the tale later to his wife. She explodes. "Don't you have any idea of what you cold have done with that kind of power? World peace, the eternal abolition of country music, a fur coat - what's the matter with you?"
Crushed, he retreats to the porch. "I just wish I could understand women."
From inside the bottle comes a little voice: "About that bridge - did you want two lanes or four?"
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;D 
