Post by trikzter2000 on Feb 13, 2007 20:25:31 GMT
This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old
>> pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
>>
>> They hired him because he was so funny.....
>>
>> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
>>
>> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
>> who will cooperate)
>>
>> DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
>> seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
>> wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
>>
>> DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair
>> style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
>> can haggle.
>>
>> EDUCATION: Yes.
>>
>> LAST
>> POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>>
>> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
>>
>> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
>> post-it notes.
>>
>> REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a rubbish job.
>>
>> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>>
>> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>>
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
>> more intimate environment.
>>
>> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
>>
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
>> LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
>>
>> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
>> "Do you have a car that runs?"
>>
>> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
>> a winner of the Reader's Digest
>> Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
>>
>> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
>>
>> On my breaks - yes!
>>
>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
>> with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks
>> I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
>>
>> Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>>
>> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
>>
>> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
>>
>> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
>>
>> ***Old People Rock!***
>> pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
>>
>> They hired him because he was so funny.....
>>
>> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
>>
>> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one
>> who will cooperate)
>>
>> DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But
>> seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
>> wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
>>
>> DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair
>> style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
>> can haggle.
>>
>> EDUCATION: Yes.
>>
>> LAST
>> POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>>
>> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
>>
>> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
>> post-it notes.
>>
>> REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a rubbish job.
>>
>> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>>
>> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>>
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
>> more intimate environment.
>>
>> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
>>
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
>> LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
>>
>> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
>> "Do you have a car that runs?"
>>
>> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
>> a winner of the Reader's Digest
>> Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
>>
>> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
>>
>> On my breaks - yes!
>>
>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
>> with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks
>> I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
>>
>> Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>>
>> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
>>
>> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
>>
>> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
>>
>> ***Old People Rock!***
