Chritmas is coming

[mark]

Guy and Girls(sound like Jimmy saville)

What are your favourite Xmas jokes?

I ll start you off;

A man walks into a pet shop and asks for something really special for his wife for xmas.The Assistant behind the counter says " I have an African singing Parrot called Chet,He is Very Rare, very expensive.
Follow me and I will show you. He takes the man to the back of the shop where the parrot is perched. He takes out his lighter Lights it up and holds it under the birds left foot . The parrot sits up and starts to sing Ding Dong Merrily on High. Thats fantastic says the man. The assistant then holds it under the parrots other foot and the bird starts to sing The Twelve days of Xmas.
that is marvellous. What happens if you hold the lighter between its legs. I dont know says the assistant. If you try it i will buy it the man said. So the assistant lights up and holds it between the birds legs.
The parrots eyes glaze over and he starts to sing
Chets Nuts are roasting on an open Fire,

Regards

Mark

[geraint]

Children in a school were asked to draw a picture which depicted Christmas.
There were many different pictures of the Nativity, the three wise men etc. but little Johnny had drawn a picture of an aeroplane.
In the front seats of the plane there was a man a woman and a baby.
The Teacher asked how this had anything to do with Christmas.
Johny said that the woman in the plane was Mary, and that the baby was in fact the Bbay Jesus, and that they were fleeing Jerusalem.
The teacher asked who the man was,
Johnny replied. Thats Pontius the Pilot.